Well, it's almost time to leave the West Coast. I really do like it on this side, but I'm ready to go back. I guess if I had a place to stay it would feel different, but the hotel life isn't home.
Of course, staying out here wouldn't be any different than being on the East, because as they say, wherever you go, there you are. So anything I have problems or issues with on the East will follow me to the West. It's inevitable.
The past day or so I've been thinking about people from my past, even looking them up online lol. Archie. Dave. Paul well not so much him, I looked him up a long time ago and was like ok yea whatever. But lately Archie. I have been doing the 'what if' routine, and I know it's not good at all. Doing nothing but causing me to be so.......I don't know........melancholic? Is that the right word? I know I've been pensive lately too. Yes I think melancholy is the word I am looking for. It's like when I sift through the archives of my mind, I hear that heavy sigh. And also with trying to clean up that dreaded room again, I came across The Tape. And when I did that, I haven't watched it, just set it aside, but I went online to see any info. I believe they divorced. But I am not 100% sure. And he is back in Kentucky which I figured after his father died and he got out of the Air Force.
So, I had a very strong desire to contact him. I am sure I could reach him. But I didn't. And hopefully won't. No Facebook page that I could find. None for his son either that I could see.
And the only reason I thought of him again this morning is because a man laying on the bench outside looked similar to him. I was thinking "will I be able to recognize him if I saw him again?" And I really wouldn't want to until I really reduced my size and got more sculpted. I can't stand looking at myself and lately I'm feeling all the pains that come with not being in shape and I. Do. Not. Like. It.
So seeing anyone from my past, I would want to look better.
Well I didn't even think I could remember my password but lo and behold I'm in!!
I keep saying I'm going to write and write and then I never get to it. I have to stop doing that. It's not good for me.
Anyhow, since I"m here, I'll write a little. I suppose.'
Right now I'm in Long Beach California, and it's wonderful here, but I am about ready to go home. I had my friend and her family drop me off a few minutes ago (around 7:30pm). As her child said "The night is young" but I'm not lol. My feet are really hurting and I know it's from my lack of exercise. I have been working out, but it is apparent that I am in need of some more serious activity in order to not go up the stairs feeling like my knees are going to buckle. I also need to see the doctor, I think it really is more than just my weight (which in reality isn't that much out of proportion to my height, but I'm more flab than fab). I injured my knees as a youngster playing soccer and I think I've got some cartilage issues.
Being out here, on vacation, really opens me up to things that have been on the back burners that I don't think about because of life things (work, family, working out etc) and so now that I have down time, I get a little down. I am not where I really want to be. And getting there it seems like really becoming out of reach.
Work, the place is not where I want to be, yet I do not have the money to take more schooling to get to something else. Then I think, do I want a higher salary, because higher pay means higher responsibility and I am not sure I want that. I want to "do" more now, not "think" lol. That doesn't quite make sense or maybe come out right. I can't explain it now.
Photography, well that's really been on the back burner and I see fellow classmates who are making great photos and I wonder why I let myself get in my own way when it comes to doing things like photography. I know practice is key, and yet I get myself all disappointed when my work doesn't come out right and then I stop.
Well, my hip/feet are begging me to go lay down. Gotta get up early so I can make my flight on time.
Hopefully I'll be back more regularly!
Ok I"m getting irritated because I can't post to a journal where it's listed as Friends Only. I do put in my user name and password and it says it's not right..............GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Another one bites the dust
I have to raid the refrigerator. I don't think I have any Kodachrome, I may, but I mostly used Fuji films for the saturation and explosive colors. Kodak was ok but I had my preferences. I am just sad to see it go.
I am an old school photographer (who even came up with "old school" anyway). I loved processed film in the darkroom. I lost hours in there and didn't care. I don't have a darkroom (wish I did I would spend more time photographing with my film cameras). I do want one and have thought about creating one in the middle room. It has no windows. It's near the bathroom so i can draw water from there or pipe it in. I may revisit that. I have seen entire darkrooms being sold on eBay.
Anyway I digress. I really do miss using slide film. I miss Polaroid film too. I'm really sad to see them stop that. It's got to come back. I know the studio uses digital now to assess the lighting and exposure, but it was fun ripping open the polaroid and "shaking it like a salt shaker" (ok not that hard but it was fun waiting). You felt like a kid waiting. It's not often I feel like a kid as a grown up.
So, I will be raiding the garage frig. I was in there the other day, and saw my Fuji films. I know every last one is expired. But they made good film. I may have to use them.
Insert Subject Here
Well I'm going to try to write regularly, but not sure what to say haha!!
It's almost lunch so I will have to postpone this apparently.
I have lunch dilemmas........I don't know what I really want for lunch...and sometimes, like right now, what I want is NOT what I need to be eating. I've gained weight since I've been in Atlanta and I'm not a happy camper about it. I know I don't move as much as I should, but it's really hard to get out of this mode. Especially when it's been depressing when I first got here. So now that I'm feeling better, I want to do more. I have to test my ankle tonite, because I fall down go b00m, and I don't want to make it worse by hiking several miles. But it IS feeling better.
Ok will be going to Chic-Fil-A..........I'll work out more this weekend. Plus I might fast too. Well at least one day. If I do two I'll be one cranky @ss bitch and she's no fun!
Well, I decided to go ahead and start a Live Journal! I do have one on Blogger but I haven't even been on that in like a million years. Ok maybe not that many but........
It's hard for me to keep journalling, even though I know it's great for me. So maybe I can stick with it. I have a feeling the people who referred me won't let me slide into oblivion! I hope not!!
My ankle hurts, and my butt, you see I fell down the stairs last week. Nasty bruise. Still recovering. I want to go hiking but don't want to yet.
What do I even put for a first post? I guess I should introduce myself........I'm not good at such things.
I don't have any photos here but I'll try to get some uploaded (SOMEone will make sure I put some up!)
Well, right now I'm almost 40 (booooo). And I recently finished my college education (probably wrong time eh) and am trying to "find myself". Yea I guess I should have done that a long time ago lol. Anyway, I work temporarily right now in an administrative/office assistant capacity, but would really want to work in the photography industry. I'm just uncertain of where to begin, that's a problem of mine but I won't delve into that yet, PLENTY of time to write about THOSE!
I like to write. I used to write a lot in those pretty little journals or diaries, I had those as a kid with a lock and all LOL. But I realized that I wrote a lot when I was depressed. Apparently I was depressed a lot as a teen. I have a lot of journals! And looking back, unfortunately, I still have some of the same feelings. So I do need to work on those more. But I figure, why not write bout my days and life? I mean I know there are good things too that I can write about? I look back and there's a lot I don't remember. If I wrote about those things, I'd be able to remember, relive, rejoice in those times. Because the way I seem to be mapped out, I remember the bad things that happen to me. And I want to remember the good stuff that happened in my life. Like my trip to Australia, or my trip to Utah, or whatever. So I guess that's why I want to blog. I don't know who will want to read this. It doesn't really matter if anyone does. Because it really is for me. But if I have people who want to read what's happening in my world, cool.
Anyhoo, back to me. I live west of Atlanta in Georgia. I was going to school in Savannah and truly miss it. I'd have stayed but there aren't jobs there. NOt that I could really live on. Not that I'm finding one here. I like the size of Savannah. I really don't like the Atlanta area, so not user-friendly. I like the squares and the closeness to the water and the beach. I truly miss that. But I didn't want to move in with my parents again (been there, done that) and decided to move in with my boyfriend. There are definitely some kinks that really need to be worked out, but I think it will be ok. If not, well we'll come down that bridge. His place is large, so if I want to go away from him I can haha!
If I EVER Get this job permanently, I'll be able to blog during the day haha, like right now!
I will probably blog about my little corner of the world, as mundane and ordinary as it is. I also want to think more hahaha! Well what I mean is think about my photography (of course I have to DO it too) but I haven't put much thought into it since I left school. Things have come up, life stuff, and the end of school made photography a chore for me. Once it became not so enjoyable, I didn't want to do it. But I'm finding a photography community where I live that has me wanting to photograph again. I also will probably bitch and complain. And I don't sugar coat things. And I am blunt. And I will curse and swear. And probably complain a lot. I'm looking for the good things in life since I seem to be mapped out to dwell on the bad. So that's what I"ll work on. When I read stuff from the past journals I'm like "wow, I was a sad, mad woman"! I don't want to be that way anymore!
I don't care who reads this and I welcome all comments. Disagreements too! But I won't tolerate being bashed. THis is MY blog and MY opinion and if you find a problem with it, then you can CHOOSE NOT TO READ IT! If you only want to spout your opinion to try to get me to believe you are better than anyone, don't bother. But I do know people will not like some things I say or do and that's fine. Suggestions are fine too. Emailing me is fine too, but it BETTER NOT BE MARKETING OR I'LL SICK THE FBI ON YOU.